Wednesday, 13 August 2014
Results Day Fear
For thousands of AS and A-Level students across the country, tomorrow is the moment of truth as our final exam results arrive. This includes me and I am absolutely dreading it.
The typical response for my lack of faith in myself this results day tends to go along the lines of, 'Oh you'll be fine, Taz, you haven't done that badly. Stop being such a drama llama'. Okay, so the last bit was made up but you get the gist. I'm afraid guys that fine is rarely good enough and even then the exams went a lot worse than I could of hoped for. Anyone who did the AS Maths Core 2 paper will back me up on this one when I say there is a slight chance, well more of a rather gigantic chance, that I have possibly failed maths. I mean what even was that paper!
My worry, however, is not centred around how well the actual exams went. I can't change that now and I have had to deal with the possibility of failure for months now. I'm over it. Slightly. Maybe. I don't know. No, I fear what happens once I get the results. If they are as bad as I suspect, then chances are I won't be allowed back into my sixth form for year 13 (we have a grade boundary of at least two D grades to get into the final year). I can't imagine anything more disheartening than putting all that effort into the last year and still not being good enough. It would also mean I would have to find a job or apply for a college course and hope I will get in last minute, otherwise I would be sat at home unemployed, poor with nothing to do (but blog! I don't get money from this though...).
If I do pass to next year, great. My next year of school is sorted. However, this leads on to the whole question of what happens after school. It just pushes the choice of the employment or further education route a year back. These questions have been left lingering around for the whole of summer and I have done my best to avoid them but results day has flung them straight back in my face. The inevitable future keeps crawling up on me and I have no idea what I want to do yet. It's not a decision to make over night and certainly not one you want to get wrong, but how to you get it right? Uni would mean I would have to leave the island to an unfamiliar place with nobody I know but I would learn new skills, including how to fend for myself, as well as earn a qualification at the end of it. There is also the choice of which uni to go to and will I get into that one or not. On the other hand, employment would mean I could earn money straight away and maybe start saving to go traveling. I also wouldn't have to leave home right away but also have the option of moving when I know I'm ready. But it would also mean that I won't get the chance to live in England for a few years and experience life across the Channel (the sea that separates England from the Channel Islands). Fewer jobs going around too may mean that, no matter how hard I try, I still may end up unemployed. Both options have their pros and cons but neither one appeals to me more which makes my decision harder.
I'm supposed to have my mind made up by the end of summer which is far closer than I care to remind myself. I decided to leave the whole question until after results day as that would give me a far better idea of what I can and should be aiming for when school comes to an end. It's quite daunting the fact that the decisions we have to make now can affect our whole future and the pressure of trying not to get it wrong only intensifies the whole situation.
Maybe I am over thinking it slightly. Maybe I should only worry about these things tomorrow when I have the results. But then there are the results themselves and I'm not sure if I'm mentally prepared to find out whats inside that envelope...
Good luck to anyone getting their results tomorrow or their GCSE results next week. I hope you get exactly the grades you want and don't worry about it. Leave the worrying to me!