It's results season again and this year is the most important one yet. Along with thousands of students across the country, I will be receiving my A-Level results on Thursday and the fear is really starting to kick in.
As if spending months stressing over exams, studying/revising and coursework wasn't enough, now the press appear to have taken it upon themselves to churn out horrors stories of exam boards loosing exam papers and casually making up grades, which only adds to the stress and anxiety of results day. I have had nightmares for months about my exam papers going missing and having to repeat Year 13 in September, so seeing these stories pop up in the news really hasn't helped my nerves. If anything, it has confirmed my worst fears and now every scary thought that crops into my head feels like fact. Thank you Daily Telegraph.
Personally, my exams did not go too well and I am not confident my grades will be enough to get me into my chosen University. The grades I need are CCD, however I honestly believe that the best realistic outcome would be receiving BDD. This will not get me into the pre-degree course I plan on taking and, even though I know that those grades aren't definitely what I'll get, it's enough to force me back into my shell and the thought of showing up at sixth form makes me feel physically sick. People keep asking me to go in with them to collect our results but quite frankly I can't handle the thought of anyone seeing me genuinely upset and I would rather attend alone. I'm expected to do well. I'm expected to pass. Disappointing everyone is so much easier when you can't see everyones reaction.
And I know what your all thinking; "Shut up Tasmin you'll do fine, just like every year." Doesn't anybody realise that is the most uncomforting phrase. I am genuinely worried and all anyone wants to do is brush off, like I'm attention seeking or my opinion of the situation doesn't matter. To be fair, I don't really know what I expect from such conversations, but a little understanding isn't too much to ask, is it? I feel as though I can't talk to anyone about it as that is all I get. No words of comfort or advice, just 'whatever'. That's why I write this blog, even if I'm the only one who reads it, at least I feel that my opinion is valid.
Regardless, the day I have spent three months dreading is very nearly here and I will have to face my fate just like everyone else, whether I can stomach it or not. I just don't think I am mentally prepared for the whole ordeal.
Good luck to everyone whose expecting results this week or in two weeks time (at least I think that is when the GCSE results are released). I hope you get the results you want/need/deserve. I have my fingers crossed for you.