It's no secret that I am terrible at sticking to a goal that I have set for myself- may we all forget the train wreck that was my '25 Things to do This Summer' blog series. I often set goals far too big for little old me to physically achieve. One year, my New Years Resolution was to eat an apple a day. I wanted to eat an apple everyday for an entire year. What part of my brain thought that that was humanly possible. It lasted a month before I fell ill (how ironic) and completely gave up.
However, two years ago I set myself one that was far more manageable. I decided that my New Years Resolution for 2012 was to read a book. Now, I know a lot of you out there are budding readers and would consider reading a book as an afternoon activity rather than an actual life goal- especially when you consider the fact that my book of choice was Perks of a Wallflower- but I am very much different. I really struggle with reading. I am a painfully slow paced reader and I actually qualify for extra time in exams due to my poor reading and fluency score. I find exams far too scary to actually take the extra time but it's nice to know that it's not just in my head, there is actually something a bit wrong with me. Anyone that has actually read Perks of a Wallflower will know the book is tiny, but it did take me two months to finish it (I had GCSE's to worry about too you know!). The amount of time didn't matter to me at all, the accomplishment was enough for me. I was proud. I felt like I actually achieved something with my time. It's silly, I know. Reading is such a common and easily achievable thing but I was proud that I could consider myself slightly normal on the reading scales, no matter how briefly.
When I say briefly, I mean I have not been able to fulfill another new years resolution since. I don't think I even set myself one in 2014. Guess I was just too lazy. Which is sort of the reason I've changed my mind now.
Over the past few months, I have seen a decline in my effort towards school work, this blog and, well, just life in general. It appears that laziness has crept into my life so subtly I've only just noticed. Slowly, I have lost focus on my school work and have fallen behind on coursework and I fear my grades are slowly dropping from my original targets. Whenever I realise how much work I need to catch up on, I freak out then bail on my friends when we have plans to have fun on the weekend. Then, instead of working, I find myself on the sofa watching repeats of shows that I remember watching when they first aired a few years ago and then again on a repeat only a couple of days before. It causes me stress and sadness and a lot of the time, I'm not even fully aware that I'm doing it. Surely I'm not the only one who does this, even if it's only occasionally. It's just an endless cycle that I have stupidly got myself into and I'm the only one that can break it.
So, this year I am saying no to my lazy ways. No more shall I find myself slobbed out on the sofa watching endless re-runs of crap TV when I have plenty of work that I actually enjoy doing. 2015's New Years Resolution is to put more effort into everything I do. I want to put more effort into my school work, focus on improving my grades and finally be proud of the work I do. I want to put more effort into my blog. I want to create posts that make sense and feature more of my photography as I know I am better than some of the images that I personally take and upload to this site. I can do better and I will do better. I want to be as proud of every post I create as I was when I finished Perks of a Wallflower. Finally, I want to it effort into my friendships. I want to be a better friend to all my friends; in school and out of school. I bail on all of them all the time and that is truly unfair. I am the worst friend to them and I'm surprised they've stuck around this long. I want to be a friend they want to have rather than a friend they're sort of stuck with.
Old habits die hard, and this change may not be instant, consistent or may become non-existent over the course of the year. But the only thing I can really do is my best, and isn't that really the whole point of a New Years Resolution, to make sure you do your best?
Have you set yourself a New Years Resolution this year? Let me know in the comments and we can work together to achieve them! I hope you've all had an amazing start to your year and here's to making 2015 the best one yet!