Thursday, 11 August 2016

So... How Have You Been?

Razma-what? Oh HER! Yeah... Who is she?

So it's been awhile... 

I've been back in Guernsey for awhile after returning from University and it feels like I've hit a brick wall. Everything is different yet exactly the same from when I left just under a year ago. It's all been a bit over-whelming for me and I've had a hard time finding my feet again. I've been trying to write this post for the best part of about three months and I just struggled to get success. I really feel I lost my way with this blog and I'm unsure exactly how to resurrect it. I feel I've drifted so far from here that I no longer feel confident on this media format. I'm extremely nervous posting this and I really shouldn't- it's nothing I haven't really done before and let's face, no ones actually reading.

As I've mentioned previously, I have spent the majority of this year at University and having an absolute blast. I took a foundation year which, put in the most simplest terms possible, is like a very vague introduction to the art and design spectrum, specialising in one area in which the final grade is assessed upon. It was intense and stressful as so much had to be packed into such a small amount of time. This was partnered with the pressure of choosing the right specialism and applying for degrees as well as trying to look after myself for the first time ever. It wasn't easy, however I passed with top grade, specialising in photography, and will now progress to the degree in September. I'm so excited and bursting with pride. A year ago I was convinced going to uni would be my demise. I was extremely nervous leaving home. However it has completely changed me for the better. I have far more confidence than ever before and I'm truly happy.

Which is all well and good but when it has prevented me from doing my hobbies such as blogging, I have to reassess exactly what I can squeeze into my timetable. 

Blogging's a very strange experience. You allow yourself to pour your inner monologue un-interrupted and then you're given the opportunity to edit your own thoughts before publishing them on the internet for complete strangers. All in the hopes that someone is on the same wavelength as you or engages even the slightest interest in what you have to say. I think that's why it's so important to me. I live in a very small world where I am constantly battling to speak what's on my mind. Here there is no battle and I feel free to be myself.

Okay, that's all cool and that but you haven't exactly spent the past six months blogging have you Tas? I'm really starting to reconsider the inner monologue of my inner monologue, but that's drifting from my point. I stopped blogging as I needed to prioritise my studies. University had to come first and I think that is completely understandable. I was also conflicted on exactly what I wanted to blog about- do I continue doing ramble-ly posts like this or do I completely focus on my photography? Is there a way I can combine both without posts feeling random and inconsistent? Does consistency really matter? Or am I over thinking completely trivial stuff (as per usual)? This is still something I am contemplating and without a doubt will still be debating for a long time. 

Anyway, it's not strictly true to say I haven't been blogging at all during my studies. I incorporated my fascination with the social media format into my projects, using it as proof of documentation of the design process and evaluating my progress on my final project (work of which I fully intend on sharing here at some point). I know, enthralling stuff. Hence why it was published onto a different blog. But maybe that's what I want to turn this into. Maybe this could be my little photographic paradise discussing the basics of photography and the design process whilst documenting the development of my own work and ideas. That's an idea I'll save for later.

Anyway, I'm back and I plan to keep it that way for the time being. Who knows where this old blog will be heading but part of the fun of it is not knowing. So stay tuned! Or not. I'm not going to force you... Or will I? Oh my gosh Tas stop talking!

Tasmin X

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