Two Blogging Years!

I've just reread my first ever blog post and my post celebrating my first year of blogging and can't help noticing how different I feel now then I did back then.

Everything was happy and ever so optimistic, but now I see the scary future and the optimism has drained out of me. 

I'm in a place where everyone around me, regardless of their age, are finding success with their individual talents, traveling the world and making tonnes of friends in the process while I'm stuck here barely passing school. Maybe that's an exaggeration, I have had two university offers but the more I think about it, the more unsure I am about going. I feel as though I should know what I like doing or what I'm good at but I don't. I love dance; the idea of completely giving it up by summer scares me but I'm also a terrible dancer and that path holds no career opportunities for me. I'm good at photography but right now I'm procrastinating because the volume amount of coursework I need to complete daunting. I can spend hours working and still feel like I've got no-where with it. Over time, it gets a little draining. There is just no obvious choice for me and having absolutely no goal for the future really doesn't help me here.

I started this blog to give myself a voice. I've mentioned this a billion times but talking isn't exactly my thing. I struggle having conversations with people I know fairly well, let alone complete strangers. Asking for help or answering a question in class feels impossible and just the idea of public speaking sets me off in a cold sweat. Hiding behind the Internet will probably never help to improve my confidence but I thought if I could find some individuals who would listen to me blabbering on about nonsense at least that would be something. Over the past two years, I've not exactly built up a jaw-dropping amount of followers but that's not what this blog was about. Each on of you reading this (all ten of you) are the reason I still feel happy to write the crazy talk that goes on inside my brain. I feel more at ease knowing someone knows, or even somebody out there cares what I'm saying and it means a lot to me. Okay, so I'm not exactly Zoella standard but the world doesn't need two Zoella's. I'm still happy doing my thing. 

So maybe I'm not as optimistic about the future this year. Maybe I'm struggling to keep to my New Years Resolutions and giving up chocolate for lent is now a decision I wish I never made (you would not believe how much chocolate we have in this house!), but that's okay. I still have this blog and although school takes up most of my time, I always make sure there is a little bit a time to pop on here for a quick update. There is still plenty more to do and I hope you guys stick around for it!

Heres to another year of blogging!

Tasmin x